


The Bravo 2 Guide to a Successful Relationship

by sabrina_il (marina)



Category: Generation Kill
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-23
Updated: 2009-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-05 02:49:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marina/pseuds/sabrina_il
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title pretty much says it all. For Sparky, who asked for cracky AUs and relationship advice <3</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bravo 2 Guide to a Successful Relationship

**Author's Note:**

  * For [77sparks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/77sparks/gifts).



The first phone call of the day comes when Brad is backing out of the parking lot at Six Flags. The car is his sister's, and the phone is in the hands free device.

"God, you are such a fucking bitch," Ray's voice blares from the speakers.

Brad grabs the phone out of the dock. "I'm with my nieces you..." he notices the big eyes in the mirror, staring at him from the back seat, "...idiot."

"It's really sick that you call it that, Brad. I don't even wanna know where you really are right now."

"I'm at Six Flags, you whiskey tango excuse for a moron!" Brad slams on the brakes as the guy in front of him suddenly stops.

"It's sad, when people avoid things, don't you think, Brad?" Ray's voice is deliberately calm, the voice he uses before a punch line.

"Shut the hell up," Brad growls and hangs up the phone.

*

He puts Ray's number on his ignore list, but when Poke calls a few hours later, he can't not pick up.

"'Sup dog?" Poke drawls.

"It's so pathetic that you're calling me over this," Brad informs him. "You've officially lost all my respect."

Poke chuckles. "Don't be a baby. Iceman can afford to make a gesture of peace, occasionally."

"Goodbye," Brad says.

*

"Sometimes, when a man and a woman make a baby," Ray's voice wakes him in the middle of the night. Bastard must have borrowed someone else's phone. "And then that baby joins the Marines, and then spends a little too long learning how to kill people…"

*

"God, not you too!" Brad says, flipping a hamburger on the grill, as he picks up his phone.

"Brother, sometimes you just gotta let go," Rudy says from the other side of the Atlantic. "Doesn't matter what happened, you know?"

Brad grits his teeth. "We're not talking about this."

"Fine, fine, Iceman," Rudy says, managing to pack resignation and disapproval into his tone. "Let's talk about something else."

 

*

"I'm not saying it's your fault," Walt says while Brad is eating his breakfast. "But it's not really about who's right or wrong sometimes. It's just about wanting that person in your life, because--"

Brad interrupts him, "Please tell Ray I'm going to castrate him next time I see him for putting you up to this."

Walt sighs. "Everyone's just concerned, Brad."

"I sincerely hope Nate's getting as much of this bullshit as I am," Brad says.

*

Nate's waiting for him by the time he gets to the coffee place. They take a walk outside, not really looking at each other, Nate squinting in the sun.

"This is stupid," Nate says.

Brad takes off his sunglasses. "Look, I'm sorry."

"So am I."

"Right." Brad lets out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

*

In the morning, Nate manages to get it together enough to answer the phone, but not enough to realize that he's not in his apartment, and so the phone on the nightstand is not actually his.

"Hello?" He mumbles into the receiver.

"Mommy! I'm so happy you're back!" Ray's voice shouts at him from the other end of the line.


End file.
